All idiots....SHUTUP.

This isn't your weekly quick-witted two minutes of fun, this is a new section called "Shut the Hell Up." And we can change that name if you guys want, if you'd rather it be called "Shut the Heck Up." Or maybe just "Shutup." Or maybe "Please Be Quiet." Basically, it's a new blog that is going to allow me and you to get face-to-face with any athlete we want (no high school, please. They are still young kids who aren't making millions of dollars. Although they may be competitive at times, and you may not like the way they handle themselves on the court, they still have growing to do. And I'm sure how they compete doesn't necessarily shadow how they are off the fields and courts. So, with that in mind, college and professional only. If they're already making more money than they know what to do with, or if they are going to make more money than they know what to do with, then I feel like I have the right to tell them what I think.) So here comes the first episode:

I GOT IN A FIGHT WITH A CUBS FAN. No, not a fist fight. I'm a pacifist, Donny. But a fight, a verbal one. And to all you happy Cardinal fans out there, you're Christmas present from me is a victory. I tore this kid to pieces. His name was Bill. A Cubs fan named Bill didn't stand a chance against a guy like me. He was ugly also, looked like he fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I'm telling you it was bad. He was saying stuff about how good Mark Prior and Kerry Wood are (WHAT?), and he told me that Derek Lee was a superior baseball player to Albert Pujols (WHAT?), and he mentioned the Lilly signing as one that would solidify their rotation (WHAT?). I mean, seriously, and in all honesty, I can't even give myself credit because he was being so stupid that I could've won talking with the cheeks that are on the backside of my body between my back and my legs. It just irritates me folks, it really does. I've got no problem with the Cubs, they suck. I don't see the point in wasting my time bashing the Cubs, they do their own bashing. But it's the Cubs fans that bother me, I mean they really get under my skin. Because every comment they make is so off-the-wall stupid that it drives you up-the-wall mad. It's worse than talking politics with someone ignorant and ornery. It's talking about baseball with someone both ornery and stupid. They have no frame of reference. They have no solid support. All they have is a bunch of losses and a crap-ton of money tied up in Jason Marquis and Ted Lilly. There's a lot of hope in Rich Hill. And Mark Prior and Kerry Wood probably won't stay healthy. Alfonso Soriano isn't going to play up to his potential, a) it's not a contract year, and won't be for another nine years. b) the Cubs will lose, and Soriano will have no motivation. Aramis Ramirez is, seriously, one of the worst defensive third basemen in the game. And Derek Lee just isn't as good Albert Pujols. The Cubs just aren't as good as the Cardinals. BUT....BUT....they may outplay the Pirates this year.

Cubs Fans who can't back up your off-the-wall arguments with solid evidence. Ted Lilly has proved nothing, Derrek Lee has had one year that was even comparable to Albert's last six, Wood and Prior aren't even expected to be healthy: Shut the Hell Up.

Brawls, Scrawls, and College Football: The NBA dished out BIG suspensions and hefty fines on Monday. CarMELO got the BIG of it all, and he deserved it. At first I thought fifteen games was over the top, but now I agree. He went freak nasty on a few balla's, and he needs some serious timeout. Sit in the corner, Melo. Stare at the wall and don't turn around until David Stern tells you to. Stern also said, "if players continue to behave like this, they won't be in my league long."
*I got kicked out of gymnastics once.
I love what David Stern is doing here. First he tells his players, "I'd appreciate it if you left your guns at home." Then he threatens to kick them out of his league for fighting. He's right, this is a PROFESSIONAL basketball league, and just like any other PROFESSIONAL job you don't expect your employees to shoot off guns at strip clubs or brawl in the office hallways. If they do, they get canned.

To all hater's of David Stern. To everybody who says he isn't allowing his players to play. To all who thinks he has too many restrictions on the league. Do me a favor, think about whether or not you'd want that kind of stuff in your office if you were the boss. Not to mention if you were paying your gun-totting, fist-throwing, gangsta fightin' employees millions of dollars a year. And then: Shut the Hell Up.

T.O. spit on D'Angelo Hall. Or maybe he didn't. He said he did and then he said he didn't.

Terrell Owens: Shut the Hell Up.

Gilbert Arenas dropped 60 points right in Kobe Bryant's face the other night, then Kobe said "some of the shots he took were just terrible. He doesn't have a shooting conscience." This coming from Kobe, who takes the most and some of the worst shots in the history of basketball. Kobe's also known for never passing the ball.

Kobe Bryant: Shut the Hell Up.

Isiah Thomas was at George Karl's throat for the brawl the other night, saying that he thought the Nugget starters should have been on the bench at that point in the game. Karl responded by saying his team is young and still learning to hold leads, and noted that just two nights before he watched Utah blow a ten point lead to Sacramento with less than four minutes to go. He justified himself. Those guys are fine in my book. But then there is Steve Francis, who was hurt and didn't even play, nonetheless Stevie Franchise opens his mouth and says "the only reason George said those things is because he knows he doesn't have to come back here and play us this year. If he had to come back here and play us again this year, then he never would've said those things." Oh, ok. Let me tell you this, Stevzy, nobody in the NBA is scared of the Knicks. There are high school teams that could beat you guys. You have to be scary, or at least somewhat good, to claim that someone is scared of you. You're an idiot.

Steve Francis: Shut the Hell Up.

*Who wants to continue this "Shut the Hell Up" section? You let me know. Feel free to give your own "Shut the Hell Ups" on our post page (but don't go overboard. Please be considerate that this a public forum, and if you're old enough to be on it posting responses, then you're old enough to know what is over the line and what isn't.) Also be sure to let us know why you're sick of hearing from these multi-million dollar idiots, or else we'll have no option but to tell you: Shut the Hell Up. I'll take my favorite "Shut the Hell Up" from each week and post it in the blog. That's my Christmas gift to you. (That doesn't mean you're famous, I know, but come on... you like it.)

THE UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI vs. the university of illinois. TONIGHT. Live from St. Louis. The Illini are seven point BIG dogs coming out of Vegas, but they don't have Stephon Hannah. And they aren't runnin' forty minutes of satanic activity on the Tigers, like the Tigers are running on them. Go TIGERS!!! By the way, tickets are be scalped on the streets for about $1,000. In case you're interested. *Come back after the game for complete post-game coverage and analysis*

FIFTEEN SECONDS OF FAME IN HONOR OF COOL HAND LUKE:

*Anybody who can run 25 miles an hour, Adam Kennedy, Kip Wells, SOOOOOO Taguchi, Andy Murray, Dontrelle Willis, Honus Wagner, LT, Vanilla Ice, Pdiddy, and all local music playing in your area tonight.