Cards vs. Mets - Rematch Part I

We all remember what happened the last time these two NL Power Squads were on the diamond together...














October 20, One of the most dramatic finishes in League Championship Series history ended with Carlos "got your ass looking" Beltran batting in front of a roaring crowd at Shea, bases loaded, two out, bottom of the ninth, Game 7. "Dear Mr. Beltran: Pull up the covers and kiss yourself goodnight."

The Cardinals clinched the pennant when Adam Wainwright got Beltran looking at a stank-nasty curve ball on the outside corner, touching off a St. Louis celebration worthy of 315 bottles of your best champaigne.

We could talk about other highlights of that week, like Yadier Molina going BIG off Billy Wagner in the top ninth to give the Birds the lead in game 7 or So Taguchi doing the same thing only days before, but we'll spare the Met's misery for now and talk about the present, all the while remembering the past.

Fittingly, the Mets and Cardinals kick the 2007 season off with the only game on Sunday. Tom Glavine and Chris Carpenter will be the game 1 starters at Busch Stadium, where the second season gets under way. A three game set spanning from Sunday through Wednesday is set for the Cardinals and Mets, but opening day is where the excitement is.

"It's never been completely routine for me," the 94 year-old Glavine said. "I always feel them. And on Opening Day, the feeling is always a little stronger. It gets you; this is it, this is the beginning of what we're going to do for the next six months and, hopefully for us, a little bit longer. The excitement is part of why we do it."

"A little bit longer..." Yea, until you run into Yadier Molina's Lousville Slugger in October.

The Cardinals' starting pitcher was excited as well, "I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward for it to start counting," Carpenter said. "I'm looking forward to the first game. Here we go, it's time to go."

Go Time it is, gates open at 4 p.m. and first pitch is set for 7:05. ESPN2 will televise the game, but I would suggest finding a lawn chair, a case of cold Budweiser, and a spot on someone's back porch next to a bar-b-que pit with the soothing sounds of Mike Shannon on KTRS 550.

Get big or go home, It's baseball season!

Redbirds (almost) Set to Open

With the final Grapefruit League game being played as I type, the Cardinals have nearly answered all the lingering questions of the offseason following the World Series Championship. What about the outfield? What about the rotation? What about the bench? With numerous announcements over the past few days it seems the team has answered nearly every question that can be asked. Let's take a look...

Um, Jeff Suppan is gone, Jeff Weaver is gone, Jason Marquis is gone, and Mark Mulder is injured. What the hell do the Cardinals do?
Well, the rotation is set as of about a week ago. Chris Carpenter will obviously sport the number one role, but after that it's a crap shoot. Adam Wainwright, Anthony Reyes, Kip Wells, and Braden Looper will fill out the other four spots. Mulder will unavailable until at least June. Despite speculation that the 'Birds would use a four man rotation the first couple of weeks, it seems as though they will settle on a five man spin while allowing Carpenter to start every fifth day. This simply means that the other four will pitch but the rotation may not always work in turn.

On Monday, Looper showed flashes of brilliance against the Baltimore Orioles, holding the O's to four hits and no runs over 6 2/3 innings of work. Only two O's reached scoring position, a great sign for the Cardinals number five starter.

On Sunday, in Carpenter's final tuneup, he became the first Cardinal to pitch seven innings this spring, allowing four hits and two walks in his shutout stint, also striking out five.

And on Saturday, Wainwright gave the Cardinals another solid outing, turning in the best start by a Cardinal this spring, striking out six with no walks over six shutout innings. He fanned Marlins superstar Miguel Cabrera twice in his final Grapefruit League appearance.

How does the outfield shape up for the start of the season?
Well, as I've been saying all along, the Cardinals finally announced that John Rodriguez will be joining Rick Ankiel in Triple A Memphis for now. JRod was optioned to Memphis earlier today to make room for Skip Schumaker, who starts on the big league roster for the second straight season. The concept behind this move is simple, Schumaker offers a better choice for backing up center fielder Jim Edmonds if Edmonds is unable to go the full nine early in the season. "We think (Rodriguez) is a big league player. It comes down to the uncertainty in center field," Tony La Russa said. "Skip is more of a natural center fielder. We all know how hard John worked. He's a better player now. It's going to pay off for him. It's a tough break. He's just got to deal with it and not get discouraged." Schumaker entered Wednesday leading the team with a .400 average in 45 at-bats and a .471 on-base percentage.

Offseason speculation had the Cardinals trying to dish hard hitting, but shaky gloved outfielder Chris Duncan, but that never seemed to enter the great minds in the front office. Duncan will get his shot as an everyday left fielder batting in the two hole and, most likely, seeing phat fastballs batting in front of Albert Pujols and Scott Rolen. Jim Edmonds seems to be healthy and will be the opening day center fielder. On the right side, many questions remain. The job is Juan Encarnacion's when he gets healthy, but for now it seems he will start the season on the DL due to a sore wrist. This means the position will be platooned between Schumacker, So Taguchi, and Preston Wilson.

Now that Josh Kinney is hurt and Braden Looper and Adam Wainwright are in the rotation, the bullpen has as many questions as the rotation did at the start of the offseason. What happens?
Despite all the Izzy-haters out there, he's back and it's a blessing. With Wainwright and Looper needed for the rotation and Josh Kinney out for the season with a split elbow, Isringhausen offers a solid, experienced foundation for the bullpen. He's coming back from offseason hip surgery and claims to be feeling better than ever. Thus far in the preseason, he sports a 1.50 era over the course of 6 innings pitched. Elsewhere in the bullpen, the 'Birds will sport six other relievers, lefthanders Tyler Johnson and Randy Flores; and righthanders Russ Springer, Brad Thompson and Ryan Franklin.

Recent speculation has the Cardinals looking to deal lefthander Ricardo Rincon. Rincon, owed $1.45 million this season as part of a two-year, $2.9 million contract signed in December 2005, failed to impress the Cardinals last season. He was tardy to camp because of visa complications, left soon thereafter to pitch for Mexico in the World Baseball Classic, then was sidelined in April with shoulder and elbow problems that required season-ending surgery.

Other Notes:


Scott Spiezo and Aaron Miles will serve as the infield backups. The club reassigned infielder Jolbert Cabrera and reliever Kelvin Jimenez to minor-league camp while also optioning righthanded power arm Dennis Dove to Memphis.


*stltoday.com contributed to this article.

The "Women vs. Men" Grind

semosportsweb.com wants an answer and we want it from YOU:
Check out Mark's blogspot for the question, along with detailed rules, regulations, a look at the love of Will Bogan's life, and fat chicks wearing elbow pads, face masks, and goggles.

*The Blues held off the Red Wings in overtime on Saturday, 3-2. Get used to it, because this is a prime indicator of the division's future. Blues rule, Wings drool. The Brad Boyes era is in full swing, and if you don't have his jersey yet then you won't get it because they sold out before they even hit shelves. Rick Ankiel says he's ok with going to play Trips A Memphis, but every one knows he's better than JRod. Tiger Woods will win the Masters by 13 strokes. Everybody keeps telling me they don't think the Cardinals will be as good as they have been in the past, I keep telling them that they're wrong. Reports now indicate that both Jim Edmonds and Juan Encarnastyion will be ready to go for opening day. The Cardinals rotation is so confusing right now that three different websites had three different starters in the number two spot, none of them being Braden Looper - oddly. Whatever happened to Hurricane? And whatever happened to Twister? Maybe Timo can answer that. If you add an 0-7 overtime record and a sudden, fall-apart catastrophe the size of Texas you get the North Carolina Tar Heels on Sunday afternoon. It's a good thing mom made some extra meat and potatoes because Tyler's coming home early.

IS IT SAFE TO SAY:
*Jason Isringhausen will be unhittable this season?
*Now that the Blues are officially eliminated from the NHL playoffs, Jamal Mayers is just going to spend his time beating the teeth out of everyone?
*Guerin will be too much money and Tkachuk will assume his chances to win a Stanley Cup somewhere else will be better than they are with the Blues?
*Tkachuk is wrong?
*In-it-to-Glen-It Dandridge isn't good enough to be hanging out in a Buffalo Wild Wings in east St. Louis, he should be in the gym polishing his game with every other Mizzou Hoops player?

*Can Mitch Glueck get a witness?

LaRussa TO THE BIG HOUSE

Well, you've all heard it by now. Tony LaRussa was arrested on a driving under the influence charge late Wednesday night. Police "apparently" found him asleep, slumped over the wheel, on the side of the road with his foot on the brake and the car in drive. Who knows? Something is fishy with the story though, because according to the police LaRussa only blew a 0.093, which five years ago wasn't even illegal in the State of Missouri. I spoke with an educated, but anonymous source concerning blood alcohol levels, and he informed me that this is an unusual reaction for someone with a 0.093 blood alcohol level who has a built up an alcohol tolerance of some sort. You would have to assume that this was LaRussa being buzzed, not drunk. According to Bernie Miklasz of the St. Louis Post Dispatch, it's not unusual for Tony to go out and have a bottle of wine over dinner after games. Miklasz said he spoke with LaRussa immediately before LaRussa entered the restaurant for dinner and Tony had mentioned that dinner and wine was on the evening's agenda. But we all know how one bottle of wine can lead to 19 shots of Early Times Whiskey. Ok, so that's overboard. There obviously wasn't that much alcohol in LaRussa's system, so either something else something else was going on that we don't know about, or LaRussa was extremely tired. Who knows?

My theory is that he was trying to forget the fact that he just announced Braden Looper was going to be his fifth starter. This is probably enough to drive most World Series defending managers towards a long night on the town. But being more realistic, the obvious answer is some sort of drugs mixed up in Tony's system, whether legal or not. It could have been as simple as prescription cold medicine playing an effect on Tony. Don't put much stock in this, it's not like LaRussa was anybodies boyhood hero and his image just came crashing down. No little kids want to be him. This isn't like Michael Jordan getting arrested for drinking and driving and crushing the hearts of little children all over the world who wanted to be him but now think he's a big fat loser. LaRussa made a mistake, we all do, but in reality he went out to dinner with other grown men and had a bottle of wine, then happened to be pulled over by a Mr. Police Man. I'm not condoning it, by any means. But I also don't think it's going to have any lasting effect on the organization, the team, or LaRussa's image as a badass manager.

But...the whole falling asleep on the side of the road thing is still a mystery. One thing most reports are leaving out, but something we can be pretty sure is true: Leonard Little and Jeff Smoker were both in the car with LaRussa at the time of the incident.

What do you think about this? Should LaRussa be punished? Do you hate him?

Two Minutes of Fun!!!

It's a seasonal thing. And now that baseball is back, so is Two Minutes of FUN! Hip, hip, hooray!

*On the front page of the St. Louis Post this morning, it was reported that ten police officers "took" (stole) 30 World Series tickets from the evidence room of a local police station. The tickets had been confiscated from scalpers during World Series week and were to be used for evidence. However, these crafty police officers stole the tickets from the evidence room, used them to get into the games, then returned the tickets to their neat place in the station. Hm. Man, TO ME, everything about this points to "tampering with evidence," but I guess the police don't see it this way.

It seems as though the cops are going to get off the hook with this, which is completely outrageous. Their claim is that since the tickets were returned it's no big deal that they used them in the first place. Ok. Well, why do I have a feeling that if you or I were to "take" these tickets from the evidence room, use them to get into the World Series, and then return them, we'd be in a jailhouse somewhere in the slums of St. Louis.

This is a plain and simple case of stealing evidence and ganking federal property. The police will get away with it, because they're the police, but I think it's important to understand that this is wrong, unlawful, and unacceptable. And it pisses me off.

*This was reported on the AP wire this evening, maybe old news to some of you: "for the second straight year, the oft-injured veteran pitchers could start the season on the disabled list." Guess who? Our favorites whipping boys, Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. It seems as though both of these guys have been pitching and I hadn't heard of any injuries, but there's probably something going on that the Cubs aren't telling their fans. I asked a Cubs fan that I work with about it, his answer: "we're just making room on the roster so that some of the young pitchers can come up and get some big league experience." WOW. This makes sense. Send your two "saviors" to the DL to let young pitchers get major league experience? Doesn't this usually happen in September, not April? Aren't you supposed to have your best pitchers in the rotation while you still have a chance at making the playoffs? The guy I work with, I won't dare call a Cubs fan a friend, is stupid. But it wouldn't surprise me if this is actually the Cubs logic. Chalk another idiot move up for the Cubs, and pack in their season before it starts...AGAIN.

*Speaking of rotation, the Cardinals apparently have decided on their top five. TonyTony said today that Braden Looper has won the fifth spot on the squad, sending Brad Thompson and Ryan Franklin to the bullpen for the start of the season. Who would've thought Braden Looper was going to win out a starting job on a World Series defender? Crazier things have happened, I guess. Carp, Wells, Reyes, and Wainwright hold the other four spots.

*One year after signing a record deal (the most ever given to a safety. 7 years, 35 mill. Plus 10 Mill guaranteed bonuses) with the Redskins, then proceeding to play like a mosquito infested pile of dog poop, Adam Archuleta is on the move again. He's been traded to the Bears for a sixth round draft pick. Archuleta made his name with the Rams in Lovie Smith's defense, and he'll have a chance to prove his worth once again next season.

It's been fun. It always is.

HIgh School Sports Head in Wrong Direction

Allow me to take a break from my usual coverage of collegiate and professional sports for some, what I feel to be, important thoughts on high school sports, more specifically high school basketball (and probably football and soccer) as well.

Living in Columbia, I've had the pleasure to attend the Missouri High School State Championship Tournaments the last two weekends, and have had the privilege to see many great players compete. The talent in the Southeast Missouri area is tremendous and was well represented the last two weekends in Columbia. Congratulations to all the teams that competed for a state title, and extra congrats to Charleston, Bell City, and Notre Dame for competing in the State Championship.

Besides the plethora of tremendous talent in the area, there were two other glaring subjects I've noticed over the last month. The first being the numerous accusations against certain high schools. If you're a regular on this website, then you're surely aware of the speculation concerning these area programs in regards to recruiting, cheating, and so on. And it wouldn't be far fetched to assume that you have your own opinion on the topic. No matter which way you look at this situation, cheating is wrong. It always has been. But this particular "cheating" situation delves deeper than the surface idea of it being "wrong."

What we are talking about is high school sports, and the idea behind high school sports is to give student athletes a chance to excel in areas beyond education. The purpose is to teach these athletes successful measures in life through the benefits of sports. Many of the local athletes who are being scrutinized for changing school districts or "showing up" in particular school districts from God-knows-where have reaped major benefits because of their transfer, whether it be educational or athletic involvement. Let's take the case of Bell City's Will Bogan, a force we are all familiar with. I choose him because he is the player I'm most familiar with, not because of my Bell City bias. I'm sure we could use examples from many area schools, but I don't feel comfortable using someone who's story I don't know to prove a point. I'd hate to be wrong.

Where did Will Bogan come from? This question was asked numerous times last weekend and the answer most often given was "the streets." I'm not sure where Will Bogan came from, but, all things considered, chances are he wouldn't have been given the opportunity to play college ball and receive a college education at division I Southeast Missouri State had he not ended up in the Bell City school district. In the end, isn't this the point behind high school sports? To give athletes a chance to succeed and further their education through athletic scholarships, to give them guidance in everyday life, and to keep them off the streets and out of trouble. An excerpt of the MSHSAA mission statement reads "to promote personal excellence to develop citizens who make positive contributions to their community." Is this not what Bogan did this year? He was one of the reasons the Bell City community was ecstatic about high school basketball. A small community coming together on a Friday night to watch a spectacular basketball player and a spectacular basketball team is a beautiful thing. Perhaps it, along with Bogan's future college education, never would have happened had Bogan not "shown up" on the front door step of the school one morning.

To use a case presented by blog reader bluejayz when talking about Charleston basketball and the importance of Danny Farmer: "Its not all about basketball. He wanted us to make it in life more than anything or any championship. Its something when you can bring a group of players from the streets together and make them believe in their self. Trust me, Charleston is nothing but streets. Many players never got a chance to play because the streets suck them in. Ask Will Bogan? The streets got the best of him until Bell City swept him up and showed him love. So please stop hating on Coach Farmer. Cause I'm a Champion in the life style that I live because of Danny Farmer."

I'm not condoning cheating, but I am here to say that there are underlying issues in these "recruiting" cases. Without the bending of these rules, many of these players could end up on the streets, in gangs, and without a college education. We shouldn't spend every waking second bashing these teams and schools. Instead, we should consider that they have given a chance to players who previously had nothing.

This brings me to my second point. I always love the input by our readers and I appreciate the in-depth rivaling conversations that take place on our blogs. It's an open forum and I hope you guys continue to talk about coaches' job security and recruiting issues. It's good conversation. However, the recent speculation about Darrin Scott losing his job at Jackson because he's failed to win the big games bothers me significantly. It's not just Darrin's case, but many cases around the area. I played for both Darrin Scott and Brian Brandtner, who was also speculated to be canned after back-to-back loses to Scott Country Central and Advance early in the season. Both of these coaches are great people. I can speak on behalf of them because I know them, and I'm willing to believe bluejayz and jose canseco when they talk about their great experiences playing for Paul Hale and Danny Farmer.

It seems that everybody who leaves these programs leaves a better person. So why would there ever be speculation that these coaches be fired? Remember that annoying saying you always heard growing up, "it's not about winning and losing, it's about having fun." Well, although it's the last thing you want to hear when you're losing, the damn quote is right. Professional sports is about winning and losing because of the big bucks. I'll even buy into college sports being about winning and losing, but only because it's to far out of control to stop. But high school sports? You can't convince me. We are talking about kids, not adults, but kids in the age range of 15-19. Kids who have so much pressure that a missed free throw down the stretch of a playoff game can haunt them for ten years. Kids who have so much pressure that a strikeout or dropped pass can depress them. 15 to 19 year old KIDS scolded by their own parents or their own coaches for "not being good enough." Are you kidding me? In many ways this sort of abuse is worse than physical abuse. And what would happen to a coach or a parent who hit one of these kids? They'd be in jail. The kid would heal in a week, maybe two. But verbal abuse and emotional abuse don't come with jail sentences, despite damaging a kid for much longer than a week.

WIN, WIN, WIN. What about the important lessons Coach Scott, Coach Brandtner, Coach Hale, Coach Farmer, and all other area coaches are teaching? Do they not matter? Sadly, it has become enough to fire a coach because he hasn't won a state championship or because he can't consistently win his district, despite the accounts given by their players concerning the valuable life lessons they've learned from simply being around their coach in practice, games, and throughout the school day. Why does this go unnoticed?

The future of high school sports hinges on the next ten years. We have two directions to take it. We can conveniently forget that the purpose of high school coaches is to teach, not win, and continue to fire coaches on their win/lose records; OR we can begin, once again, to appreciate our high school coaches for the lessons they bring to their players and for their commitment and dedication, despite sub-par pay, to giving their athletes a chance to succeed.

As I said, the old saying "it isn't about winning or losing, it's about having fun" holds significant importance. It's a crying shame that many coaches, parents, administrators, and fans have forgotten the purpose of high school sports and have put winning ahead of life lessons and moral values. They should be ashamed. Help save high school sports by supporting your local coach, reassuring them that the lessons they're teaching our high school athletes are held significantly higher than a state championship ring. Do your part.

Love for the Dirty South

Day one was about as boring as prom, and if you happen to be a Duke fan then you got dumped at the Post prom party. Day two was something like a post-relationship rebound but the chick wasn't anything you brag to your friends about. And, if you're like me, you wake up early in the morning because you're depressed about the break-up and you stare at the TV screen while the women's tournament goes on. This isn't fun. I'd rather be sleeping. I just keep watching Washington and Iowa State hoping that the next commercial break brings a new Sonic commercial.

I dig women's sports. I really do. And I really dig chicks who play sports. But to be honest, you've got to be a basketball fanatic to sit through an entire women's college game. It's rough. My buddy just made the comment, "if I ever have a daughter I'm not letting her play sports because I don't want to have to sit through her games." Either way, this isn't any more boring than day one of the men's tourney.

Can the dirty south get a witness? The men from the big VA are romping so far. I'm rooting against both Virginia and the Commonwealth. But you guys can decide your own favorites.

There was a brief fifteen seconds when I thought the OVC was gettin' ready to represent. Then images of Roderick Johnson rising over Stromile Swift and clanking one of the front iron as time expired came back into my head and I realized the 16 over 1 that I promised won't ever happen.

***Jason Isringhausen faced competition for the first time this season earlier on Thursday. It was a typical Isringhausen performance, load 'em up then shut 'em down. He allowed two hits, and an error loaded the bases with nobody out. Izzy then plowed over the next three batters to get out of the jam. 14 of his 16 pitches were strikes, a good sign.

Puttin the Madness into the Grind

Jimmy and Juan are out, which means Ankiel is in...like I said. J-Rod is still trying to figure out how he ever made a big league team. This is the year a 16 beats a 1, mark it. We all hate Maryland, but only some of us have the balls to admit it. Which would Tyler Hansbrough rather be doing this weekend: playing in the NCAA tourney, or playing for a State Championship at Mizzou Arena? Party Boy: $1. If you add Chris Pronger, Kurt Warner, and Jim Edmonds you get three extremely good looking men, but you also get the pasttime of St. Louis sports. And despite how good looking those three are, especially when they're all standing together, they don't even compare to Richard Dreyfus sunbathing near a pool in Long Beach. And we all know this is true. Speaking of St. Louis pasttime, whatever happened to Bill White and his career .286 batting average. And how was a guy named Bill White ever an All-Star? Hey Brad Lidge...Who's your daddy? I take it back, Jim Edmonds isn't the pasttime, he's the HERE AND NOW. Does anybody else collect male nurse action figures? Remember the name Ryan Roggow, he'll be the most famous male nurse of all time....one of these days.

Carlos Zambrano guaranteed both a World Series and a Cy Young award this year. This is like guaranteeing that you can jump off the top of the Sears Tower and survive. It's just stupid, and ignorant. And it seems that, with the big names that came in during the offseason, Daddy Z is just running his mouth because he knows he's not the superstar on that team anymore. Jason Marquis is. This is the third time this offseason that Zambrano has said something stupid, and usually he says it in the third person and when he speaks in the third person it makes Henry Blanco horny.

IS IT SAFE TO SAY:
*Jeff Weaver is already miserable in Seattle?
*With the Cardinals starting pitching staff going for a combined .049 ERA thus far in Spring Training, not overpaying for Weaver and Suppan is starting to look like a slice of genius from BIG Walt...AGAIN?
*Billy Packer?
*The song "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" sucks? Especially when it's been a friends ringtone for three years?
*With the NCAA's going on and Spring Training in full swing, we've forgotten how exciting the New Blues are?

If I had a million dollars, I'd buy the naming rights to Mizzou Arena and name it The Thomas Gardner Center.

John Mellencamp Sucks.

What did I tell you about Mizzou athletes seemingly not having to know 2+2=4 to graduate? Well, turns out MU isn't the only school handing out free passes to the real world. Antonie Wright, star player for Texas A&M, had a few things to say about the subject, including that his high school education was more challenging than what he's doing at Texas Agriculture and Mining: “Once I got to college, I kind of let my hair down a little bit,” Wright says. “I don’t have to write term papers any more — I just have to get a grade now and play basketball.”

What classes did he take?

“In certain classes you see, you know, a quarterback, me, a running back, and then a farmer,” Wright said. “So, it definitely was a little bizarre. But, we’re all in poultry science for a reason. We’re in this class because we need to get this grade. We’re not really trying to learn about chickens.”

Poultry Science? You kidding me? How about Floral Design?

“It’s not as easy as it sounds, to be honest with you,” he said. “But they put me in there with a couple of athletes. You’re gonna ask me a question about floral design —I can’t answer it because I needed a grade.”

Whether it's as easy as it sounds or not, what the hell is a 6 foot 7 inch basketball player doing in floral design? It amazes me that we put up with stuff like this. Why do we allow athletes to play God? Why do we not riot when Tank Johnson gets off easy when we know damn well that if he wasn't an athlete he'd be in prison for years? Sports is corrupt. Give up on sports, there's no hope. Sports is making the world dumber. Go learn about flowers and chickens.

Here's to the pundits:
Dan Daly, Washington Times: “(Arizona)Cardinals assistant Richie Anderson got snared in an anti-prostitution sting operation run by Phoenix police. Anderson says it’s all a misunderstanding, that he was just doing research for his upcoming screen debut in ‘The Eugene Robinson Story.’”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “The Dolphins signed Joey Porter and released Joey Harrington in the same week, setting an NFL record in the category, Greatest Joey Upgrade.”

I would tell you to get on the Stanford bandwagon, but maybe that isn't the best idea anymore. So ride Long Beach State while you still can, because Richard Dreyfus is sunbathing at some pool somewhere in Long Beach...we hope.

Caught Ya Drivin Dirty

What does Rap music and NASCAR have in common? Greg Cote of the Miami Herald explains:

“Juan Pablo Montoya won the Busch Series race in Mexico City last week, bumping teammate Scott Pruett, who labeled it ‘’dirty driving.'’ Cannot confirm that as a result, Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone are in the studio working up a new NASCAR-themed hip-hop sequel called ‘Drivin’ Dirty.’”

Raise your hand if you can't wait for the song's release.

Timo's Daddy is Heathcliff Slocumb. 'Nuff said. READ IT.

Hello and welcome to our weekly question and answer segment with Timo.

Questions for Timo: It's been reported by fellow blog mate, Jason Bartolone, that part of your Friday foursome, namely Mike LaValliere, is a local high school baseball coach down in Florida. I was wondering what the two of you talked about each Friday night when you drive him back down to Florida after the golf game?
A: Mostly we talk about the 1992 Pirate pitching staff, which was probably one of the greatest ever assembled. The top three included Doug Drabek, Danny Jackson, and Zane Smith. Not to mention a bullpen that featured Denny Neagle, Vicente Palacios, and closer Stan Belinda. Denny Neagle came out of the pen! ‘Nuff said. However, last Friday we talked about what the hell ever happened to Mike Lincoln.

Q: Now that the Chiefs have put the "You must be our Savior" tag on Daman Huard, where do you think we'll see Trent Green in the next five years or so?
A: Huard cannot have the “savior” tag put on him. Chiefs’ fans love to put that tag on a single defensive player that they get in the offseason. That tag is reserved for a rookie defensive end drafted in the 5th round, a grossly overrated first round linebacker, or a 47-year-old defensive back that couldn’t beat my grandmother in a 40-yard dash. As smart as the Chiefs are, they may want to try to turn the concussion prone Green into a hard-hitting safety.

Q: Who's your daddy?
A: Heathcliff Slocumb.

Q: Considering your roots grounded deep within east St. Louis and the surrounding areas, you've seen some of the NBA's greatest thugs grow up on the basketball court. But, in your opinion, who's the number one player to ever come out of the area? Subquestion: Of all the players you've watched in ESTL, who do you WISH was the best player to ever come out of the area?
A: Absolutely and without question the best player ever out of ESTL was Phillip Gilbert. He went on to be a pretty good player for the Bradley Braves. Any athlete who goes to Bradley is pretty much the greatest player at their position. How Bradley doesn’t win a national title year after year boggles my mind. Never in history has there been a collection of world-class athletes in one spot like Bradley University. Now, the player I wish was the best from the area was Kalen Grimes because he’s at Mizzou, and he is absolutely and utterly useless. We might as well have Josh Kroenke out there before Grimes. My advice to Kalen: Stop stealing stuff and work on your free throws.

Q: The Rams have, reportedly, been unable to sign Richard Dreyfus up to this point in the preseason because he doesn't want to split sacks with Lenoard Little. Yesterday he was quoted saying, "look, man. I'm Richard Dreyfus and this is the Richard Dreyfus show and this show airs on the Richard Dreyfus network in the Richard Dreyfus world. Who the #### is Leonard Little?" Timo, Would you like to explain to our beloved Dreyfus who the #### Leonard Little is, and what he might do to Richard Dreyfus if the two of them ever pass each other on the interstate some late Friday night?
A: Leonard Little is our drunk driving sackmaster over on the left end. If the two of them ever met on the interstate, the outcome would depend on the number of King Cobras that Little had that night. It would pretty much look like a Hurricane colliding with a Tsunami. I’ll take Dreyfus……always.

Questions for Dave, from Timo:

Q: Pick your poison, Jeff Brantley or Ricky Bottalico as the Cardinals’ closer.
A: Ricky Bottalico now or Ricky Bottalico in 1998? We’re going to assume 1998 for the purpose of saving time. I’m taking my mistress to Barbados this weekend and I don’t have much time. Anyway, I really want to say Ricky Bo-Tie, but it’s tough. Let me explain why: despite Jeff Brantley never having anything significant to say on ESPN, I’m taking him. It’s got nothing to do with performance. Does anybody else remember who the Cardinals shipped to the Illadelph for Bo-Tie? Well, for starters, Jeff Brantley. But who cares about Brantley. They also shipped a third of the most dominating outfield in the history of sports, Ron Gant. Without Gant, Brian Jordan and Ray Lankford both fell to the bottom of the porn industry...basically. And then there was Cliff Politte, straight out the home hizzy. CapeTown...REPRESENT. Although Bottalico’s perfect 1.000 fielding percentage in 68 appearances in 1998 is striking...and thus tempting. Speaking of striking, when are we going to talk about Richard Dreyfus?

Q: Which limb would Tyler Hansbrough have ripped off of Gerald Henderson first if Psycho T could’ve gotten to him?
A:Gerald Henderson has a posse...which includes Ron Artest, Jamaal Tinsley, Albert Belle, Kenny Rogers, Tim Hardaway, Charlie “the hairless monster” Villanueva, Delmon Young, and the late Bo Schembechler. It would be tough to compete with a raging animal, a guy named Jamaal, a reporter beater, a cameraman bashing cheater, a gay-hater, a hairless monster, a bat thrower, and a guy with God on his side. Bottom line: Henderson’s posse starts beating the shit out of each other and before Hansbrough can get to Henderson, Delmon Young cracks Henderson’s kneecap with a baseball bat, Kenny Rogers makes sure no camera man catches it on film, then Albert Belle rips off Henderson’s leg and uses it as a baseball bat to beat the hell out of Ron Artest, all the while screaming “I’M THE MOST GANGSTA. I’M THE MOST GANGSTA.” What goes overlooked is Tim Hardaway and Charlie Villanueva making out at center court. Schembechler watches from above.

Q: Who is your keeper in game 7 of the cup finals: Brent Johnson, Roman Turek, or Ed Belfour completely wasted?
A:That’s like asking me if I’d take Bode Miller or Mugsy Bogues in a downhill skiing competition. I’m taking Miller every time. Considering Belfour’s recent four game winning streak there’s no doubt on my mind I’m taking Eddy. Reports from Florida say “Belfour ended his four-game winning streak, despite making 25 saves for the visiting Panthers in their 4-2 loss to Atlanta on Tuesday. He lost for the first time since an overtime defeat to Pittsburgh on Feb. 22. During the game, the goaltender left the ice for an undisclosed reason and was replaced by reserve Craig Anderson for a combined 44 seconds.” Sources close to me say the “undisclosed reason” was a bad case of whiskey vomit. It’s unlike Belfour to lose when wasted, but this just goes to show that crazy things CAN happen. Speaking of alcoholics, Sidney Ponson will, once again, not pan out. And Jeff Smoker was last seen under the MLK Bridge with a forty of Old E in a paper sack. Reports indicate that Gerald Henderson’s posse will join Smoker by Monday evening.

Q:Is Eric Crouch STILL holding out for a starting quarterback job in the NFL?
No, he’s actually with Jeff Smoker under the MLK bridge. Only he’s drinking Early Times Whiskey because he can’t afford Old E.

Q: When is the NCAA going to get rid of the BCS and just let Richard Dreyfus decide who will play in all the bowl games?
A: The job was reportedly offered to Dreyfus but, supposedly, Dreyfus refused, stating: “Look, I’d love the job. I really would. But I’m busy right now. Currently I’m filming the next 15 Star Wars movies AT THE SAME TIME. Yes, that’s right, I’m playing Luke Skywalker because I’m a badass. But I’m more than just a badass, currently I’m dating Jessica Simpson which makes all my fans jealous and I’ve been spending much time consoling Anna Nicole Smith’s family...because I’m an all around good guy. I regularly dine with Billy Packer and I have many books that smell of rich mahogany. Not to mention, if I was in charge of establishing who plays in bowl games, then Alabama would always be in the National Championship because Joe Namath played there and I absolutely love that move he put on Suzy Kolber. That was awesome.”

Kinney Could Miss Season

Reports from Cardinal camp indicate that Cardinal relief pitcher Josh Kinney will undergo will surgery to repair a ligament in his right elbow and is likely out for the season.
Kinney was penciled in as the Cardinals' set-up man for Jason Isringhausen this season and was the top strikeout threat in the Cardinal's bullpen before his season got shelved. He pitched 100+ innings in relief last season.
The only positive I see in this situation is that it most likely gives Brian Falkenborg a shot in the big leagues this season in order to fill the void left by Kinney. Falkenborg, a short call-up last season, has shown flashes of brilliance at Trips AAA Memphis. He also poses as a strikeout threat.

"Back to the Original" Grind

Friday night I went to a bar with some people I didn't really know, so I found myself watching the Rockets-Nuggets game all night. I had no idea I was going to be watching history in the making. Something bigger than Lance Armstrong winning 7 Tours in a row. Something bigger than UCLA's NCAA tournament championship streak. Bigger than Tom Brady's ego and Jason Marquis' ignorance...combined. Bigger than Barry Bonds...period. Yeah...Dikembo Mutombo going for 23 rebounds. The first man EVER to be 40+ and grab 20+ boards. AND I SAW IT! Oh yea...I also happened to see on the Bottom Line that Patrick Lalime had a stellar performance on the same evening..14 saves, 4 goals allowed. There's only one thing you can say about Lalime...consistent. -Ly Bad. Did anybody else catch Mark Prior's spring training debut: 4 runs in 1 1/3. Hooray Chicago? Sammy Sosa hit a homerun. Ankiel's banging, J-Rod's out. Trust me. You can't deny young talent. Speaking of young talent the new Blues are 2-1. They did blow a two goal advantage in the third of three periods on Saturday, but they have Calgary tonight and the flapping heads won't be happy when Brad Boyes shows the Flames why he's the most exciting young talent in the NHL. All this uproar about a little blood on Hansbrough's face..look, if he can't hack it in the ACC then I hear his mother kept his childhood bedroom intact back in the PB. I'm sure Tyler has pictures of himself getting swatted by Scott Wittenborn back in the early years of this millennium...because Scott did that...like...7 times. If ignorance is truly bliss, then you get a happy Ron Artest. But if it's not then Andy Van Slyke is still pissed off. Whatever happened to John Stupor and his promising four year career? Raise your hand if you're not scared of the Cubs.

IS IT SAFE TO SAY:
*Tyler Hansbrough can hack it in the ACC?
*Ron Artest is right where we expected him to be?
*Mizzou, SLU, and the MoState Golden Bears will all be in the NIT final four?
*Jeff Smoker is at Mike Shannon's bar right now? Or is that place too high class?

Quick: Mr.Holland's Opus or a SEMO Redhawk Golden Girl?

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “Kerry Wood and Mark Prior haven’t made a spring appearance in two years, and (Monday), Butch Casualty and the Sidelined Kid will make their debuts, thus marking the earliest that each could suffer season-ending injuries.”

Robert Jones, on his trouble-plagued nephew, Adam “Pacman” Jones: “Everybody tries to talk to him. I do. His mother talks to him, his grandparents talk to him . . . I don’t know, I just think he is out of control. I’ve told him I think he is out of damn control."

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Jake Plummer had a choice — either retire or get traded to the Bucs. It looks as if he will take retirement, and who can blame him? Among the other endeavors most pro quarterbacks would choose over playing quarterback in the Bucs’ pitiful offense: (1) Having a colonoscopy; (2) Eating raw liver and chasing it with a case of Schlitz; (3) Listening to two rotisserie-league baseball ‘owners’ talk about their upcoming draft.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Randy Moss apparently is ready to give the Raiders 110 percent this year. Sounds about right. Divide 110 by 16 games and you get 6.9 percent per game.”

Questions and Answers with Timo

With some Snoop Dogg original on the tape player, we get straight down to the nitty gritty with our Friday guest, Timo.

*Alright Timo, here's your five questions. Make it quick, I'm taking my mistress to Barbados this weekend and I don't have much time.

1)Who wins in a fight: Adam Kennedy or Ronnie Belliard?
Here’s how it will go. Adam Kennedy, a former world champion, is a scrapper and an ankle biter that should not be taken lightly. However, Belliard, the reigning world champion, has one thing that Kennedy does not — a posse. His posse includes Jimmy Rollins, CC Sabathia, Torii Hunter, Fernando Rodney, Gary Sheffield, Dontrelle Willis, Jhonney Peralta, and Tom Henke. Not to mention his manager is poker great Mike “The Mouth of the South” Matusaw. Kennedy dominates an indifferent and lackluster Belliard for much of the fight when the posse makes its appearance. Needless to say, the posse helps Belliard turn the tables. Just when you think Kennedy is done, Belliard’s former tag team partner Preston Wilson shows up and slugs Belliard from behind with a stainless steel, cardinal red skullcap. Kennedy pins Ronnie to win the title, which probably means that the Cards will repeat in ’07.

2)Speaking of Belliards, is it true you play golf with Rafael every Friday afternoon?
Yes, the secret is out. I play in a Friday morning fivesome consisting of Rafael, Sid Bream, Mike Lavalliere, and myself. Big hitter, that Lavalliere, loooooong. LaValliere and Bream always argue whether Bream was safe or out in the ’92 NLCS, but, all in all, the Stag flows on Friday mornings.

3)Dreyfus or Wainwright?
Depends. As a closer, I’ll take Dreyfus. The guy survived Jaws, which means that he can pretty much handle any situation he is in. As a starter, I’ll take Wainwright. Dreyfus would be way too intense to throw 6 or 7 innings. Dreyfus would blow himself out in 2 innings throwing that 240 mph fastball of his.

4)Whats better? St. Louis having a bigger crime rate than Detroit, or St. Louis having a better baseball team than Detroit?
St. Louis’ crime rate is awesome but the real question here is the suicide rate. The suicide rate skyrocketed in Detroit during the World Series because they were all praying for suicide when a Tiger pitcher picked up a ball and tried to throw it to first base.

5)What do you anticipate from the Boyes, Nieminem, and Metropolit era in St. Louis?
Boyes will be the next Sergio Momesso. "The Finnisher" will take the Rick DiPietro route and sign a 15-year deal with a club option on the 16th and die of old age while STILL under contract. And last but certainly not least, Glen “New York” Metropolit’s stay in St. Louis will be about as pleasant as sitting through the motion picture epic Kinky Kong while suffering from a bad case of Erectile Dysfunction.

Thanks Timo. And now Timo's questions for me:

1. How many home runs would Barry Bonds have hit if he would have been on STEROIDS his whole career?
In all honesty, Timo, this is a tough question. There's no doubt that he would have hit 1,000+ if he was on steroids his entire career. BUT the question within the question is somewhat hidden here. You're asking me about the homeruns in order to cover up the real question about how big his head would've gotten and how small his....ya know what I'm saying? The real question is: would Barry Bonds be able to take the field, as a man, with bean size testicles? We don't know. We have to ask Barry. So I asked Barry.
Me: "So Barry our audience would like to know if you're comfortable with your masculinity?"
Barry: "Oh, yes. Of course."
Me: "Let's say...metaphorically, of course,that you had taken steroids your ENTIRE career and your testicles shrank to beans. Would you be comfortable enough to take the field?"
Barry: "Dude. My testicles went away a long time ago."

Timo. Wow. There you have it.

2. Hardcore title match (this means anything goes, no holds barred, weapons allowed) Marty McSorley vs. Todd Bertuzzi?
*Since anything goes I think you have to take Bertuzzi in this one. Cheap shots are allowed, right? Because if so then Bertuzzi wins in a TKO. His last cheap shot almost got him arrested...in the middle of a hockey game. There's nothing wrong with McSorley in this one, I take him over about anyone else. But the bottom line is he's going to be MCSORE after this one is over. (that PUN was questionable...at best).

3. Pick your poison, Jason Horton or Randy Pulley as your point guard?
*Let me quote a radio broadcast announcer in the Columbia area during Mizzou's home win against Colorado this week: "Jason Horton has done every thing we've asked him to do this year."
Um........
Him and I differ on that opinion. Jason Horton is terrible. But so was Randy Pulley. A guy who won't shoot or a guy who can't shoot? I say throw them in the ring with Bertuzzi and McSorley and see who comes out alive. If it's Pulley, I'll take Pulley. If it's Horton, I'll take Horton. But it won't be...because neither of them will survive Bertuzzi. HOWEVER, while Bertuzzi takes care of business, McSorley sneaks up behind him and drops the people's elbow right in the swell of his back, then goes Stonecold Steve Austin on him and it's "lights out, covers up" for Todd. Looks like Marty McSorely is running the point.

4. Early in spring training Rick Ankiel is making a case to play a significant role in the minor leagues as an outfielder. Is it safe to say that the Redbirds are auditioning Shawn Bradley, Yao Ming, and Manute Bol as cutoff men?
*Yes, it is true that all three were auditioning for the job, but in the end LaRussa and Co. couldn't resist Dikembo Mutombo and the finger wave. So as it is, the Cardinals have a 7-2, 40 year old native Bantu as their shortstop. We will continue to follow this situation and we will be sure to keep you updated....obviously.

5. What would the Rams pass rush look like if Leonard Little was complimented at the other defensive end by the graceful, talented, and extremely attractive rampaging beast that is known as Richard Dreyfus?
*More like: What's scarier? Being a quarterback with Leonard Little and Richard Dreyfus on the ends, or being Rex Grossman in the slums of Chicago? I don't know. I really don't. I know two things, that's all:
1)I sure as hell don't want to be Rex Grossman...no matter where I am.
2)If I was Tom Brady then I'd take Dreyfus pinning me to the ground every time. Because I love looking into his eyes right before he sacks me.

Timo, Bigs, out.

And one more thing, I told you if you didn't watch that Blues-Islanders game tonight you were friends with Andy Van Slyke. Well...in case you missed it..The blues were down 0-2 before Jay McClement and Petr Cajanek each scored with less than three minutes to go in the third period, then Lee "The Great" Stempniak won it in OT.
NEW BLUES: 2-0. And playing like CHAMPS!

The "Andy Van SHUT THE HELL UP" Grind

What did Andy Van Slyke ever do for you? I didn't know Marshall Faulk hadn't retired yet. The new Blues are 1-0. Brad Boyes jerseys are being shipped to your house as we speak. Metropolit jerseys are sold out. And Ville Nieminen doesn't think he'll be around long, therefore he has suggested not wasting money on his jersey...unless, of course, you want to remember the Ville Nieminen era in St. Louis. J-Rod's still out, Ankiel is still in. Has there been any Willie Ponder sitings in Cape? Semosportsweb.com's fantasy baseball mock draft had Albert Pujols going #1, Chris Carpenter at #2, and Adam Wainwright taking #3. Guys like Ryan Howard and Jose Reyes filled in from there. Kent Bottenfield has a new career as a Christian rock musician, but whatever happened to Donovan Osborne? If you add the glamor of Richard Dreyfus and the curves of Carmen Electra, you get Adam Wainwright's breaking ball.

IS IT SAFE TO SAY:
*The Melvin Watkins era at Mizzou will forever be remembered?
*Vonnie Holiday and his $20 million dollar contract with the Dolphins wasn't a good idea?
*You don't know who Vonnie Holiday is?
*Fans in Boston are wondering what the hell Dennis Wideman is doing on their team, and not Brad Boyes?

Ok fine, you want to know what Andy Van Slyke has done for us? Well, there was that time he cheated in his own charity golf tournament. He was playing in the final group and was collecting the "closest to the pin" sticks when, as witnessed by three others, he wrote his name on one of the sticks and won money he didn't earn. The true winner was on the verge of bankruptcy, no lie. But Van Slyke needed that money. There have been other things, and if you're ever in the mood for some good Andy Van Slyke bashing listen to the BIG 550 from 4-6 as you pass through St. Louis. Kevin Slaten loves him. But lately?.....well he said this about our favorite prophecy child, Chris Duncan: "Average at worst? He might be average at best, not worst. Some things just aren't going to happen." Andy Van Slyke....SHUT THE HELL UP. What he hell does Andy Van Slyke know about Chris Duncan, seriously? Just because Slyke couldn't hack it a different position, say third?, doesn't mean Chris Duncan isn't going to win a gold glove this year.

The Blues play at the Islanders tonight. Boyes, Nieminen, and Metropolit will be in uniform. If you don't watch this game, then you're friends with Andy Van Slyke.

Chew Big Red.