You've Been Great...

...even while I've been gone. It's been a long time indeed, and I miss every one of you guys, my loyal fans. (Although not a single response to my absence was posted on the blog response board, thereby leading me to the conclusion that I don't actually have any loyal fans.) Anyway, on to it..

MY SUGGESTION to the St. Louis Blues: Don't screw this up. Paul Kariya and Keith Tkachuk is a step above Bill Guerin and Keith Tkachuk. Kariya is undisuputably one of the best front line players in the game of hockey, and we all know that 'Chuckers has a knack for the back of the net. Get these two some defensive support and let's win some damn hockey games.

MY SUGGESTION to the St. Louis Cardinals: Um? Stay healthy. If I was Pittsburgh, Houston, or the Cincy right now I'd be saying.."for God's tap dancing sake, get that busted ass, piece of unhealthy drog crap out of my worryin way." But I'm not them, I'm assuming that they're just happy with the conclusion that they're terrible baseball teams. It amazes me that with all the injuries the Cardinals have endured, there is still three teams worst than them in the division. Eight games out? And only the Cubs and Brewers in our way. I'm still holding out hope, because I've seen way to many collapses in baseball lately. So my suggestion: bunt the guy over, and somebody gap one. Let's win some damn baseball games.

MY SUGGESTION to the St. Louis Rams: Get Dante Hall the damn ball.

And last, but - trust me - certainly not least: MY SUGGESTION to the University of Missouri Basketball team: I warned you. From day one. Ever since that gigantic man with the 636 tat on on his right bicep walked into my house and stole my John Mayer LIVE at Any Given Thursday dvd from my movie collection. I warned you and you never listened. So now, take my suggestion: allow the law to throw Kalen Grimes in jail. Because, after all, beating somebody in the head with the butt of a sawed-off shotgun is much worse than tax evasion...or any of the other stupid, jail-time laws we throw people in jail for. Throw him in jail, lock him up, and make him learn his lesson: Playing basketball for a notorisously ruined, and terrible basketball program doesn't make you a big shot. It just means your big, but not good enough to play for a good team.

And also MY SUGGESTION to the University of Missouri: I also warned you to fire Gary Pinkel before he ruins another football season. But I bet you won't listen...