Blood and Guts...not Dope

One of the many things I've learned since moving west to Durango, Colorado is that cycling kicks ass. Bottom line. But I've got a radical idea concerning international competitive cycling...do away with it. Gone. Doneski. For a whole year. Let's break this thing down and start it over again. Tell these no good, cheating punks to find a living somewhere else.

Can somebody please stand up and be the next Lance Armstrong? Can somebody please stand up and be somebody, anybody, that isn't pumping illegal fluids into their blood stream? Please. How in the world has cycling turned into baseball? Sadly enough, Lance Armstrong is the reason for all this. He was too good for the sport. Yes, EPO was kicking almost thirty years ago but the truth is that the heavy stuff didn't start until Armstrong got the world wearing yellow bracelets. Everybody wanted to be Lance Armstrong. And many of the "professional" riders in the sport wanted it just a little too much. And like fishing with dynamite, the International Cycling Union started plucking dead beat cyclist from the "big head, small testicle" pool faster than you can say "Barry Bonds sucks under pressure."

The whole thing is sad. Respect for the sport of professional cycling is on the verge of death by syringe. And although it isn't near the event in the heartland of Missouri that it is in southwest Colorado, eyes should be open to the fact that it's not just youth baseball players and young, macho men wrestlers striving to be donned "professional" in their respective sports that need to worry. All of a sudden, parents have to start worrying about their 15 year-old going out on a long road bike on a county road near you. How sick is that? Armstrong has faded, and many of the new names don't ring a bell; nonetheless, the Steve Nash's and the Albert Pujols' of cycling are going down faster than Lindsay Lohan can swallow a milligram of Valium.

In this town, people believe there's a savior. The possible future of cycling resides only blocks away from this keyboard. Tom Danielson is dope free. He's clean. He's the real deal. The locals swear by it. He swears by it. I've never met the guy, but my recent fondness of cycling has brought me to a single hope: Tom Danielson, you better be clean. Held out of the feature rider spot for Team Discovery Channel due to a life-threatening stomach illness, Danielson has resorted to watching this year's tour from the couch.

"It's obviously very difficult to watch the race," said Danielson during a recent interview with the Durango Herald's Aaron Unterreiner. Spanning from the prospect of a feature rider to another angry viewer during this year's tour and it's doping fiasco has put Danielson in a tight spot when it comes to his sport. "I think all of us in the peloton of cyclists are asking this to stop, please stop - just stop," Danielson said. "If the message wasn't clear enough before, it's clear now. The sport is going to clean up. It looks bad for the sport, but at the same time it looks good for the sport."

Looks good? Kind of like Barry Bonds and Rafael Palmeiro look good for baseball? Supposedly, that isn't the kind of "good" Danielson was referring to. "It's gonna take time, it's gonna take messages. It's not worth it. It's not at all. We hope that the message is clear. Personally, watching the race, I think the sport will be in a better place after this black period."

The "black period" in cycling has hit an all-time low during this year's Tour in which four cyclists and two teams in the last week have withdrawn due to doping allegations, including, for the first time ever, a rider wearing the yellow jersey.

Cycling will never be as popular as baseball. But the fact is simple: it's a sport nonetheless. And just like every thing else, being the best and being famous comes with a mountain of pressure. And as the pressures continue to build up in every aspect of society, what we can hope for, as fans, is somebody to come along and revive the spirit of true competition once again.

As far as cycling goes, I don't know if Danielson is the answer or not. But it's time for professional athletes all across the globe to step up and be true professionals, and begin winning the old fashion way...with blood and guts.

The Quick 'N Easy

Fresh of the boat, I'm wondering what to be more excited about in the near future. The Cardinals winning their next seven games, Dante Hall's new St. Louis birthday suit, or Paul Kariya's nice, slick blue skates. Truth is, can Kip Wells really beat Carlos Zambrano tonight? Can he beat anybody, for that matter, or has he already had that one brilliant start we signed him for? Dante Hall's probably too old for me to be giving him this much hype, and Paul Kariya has to take a young team and lift them to stardom in one year or less or the Blues are going to lose more fans. And more fans. Get your Kariya jersey's now, my buddy Jeff is buying up every single one in the St. Louis area. So you better special order yours.

What's more exciting: Lindsey Lohan going back to rehab or the exciting potential of that Milwaukee collapse I keep talking about? Is that going to happen, or should I shut up?

And speaking of the Cardinals. Apparently Carpenter is scheduled for Tommy John surgery early next week? Am I hearing this right? If it's true, or if it's not true, what the hell are the Birds going to do at the deadline? Are we contenders or not? To break it down, we've got two teams ahead of us as of right now. This Chicago series can go a long way in determining where we stand for the stretch run, especially considering a four game stint with the Brewers follows. All of which are at Busch.

My thoughts, however, are if we don't win both of these upcoming series, then we have to stay put and try to lace this thing together with what we've got. I certainly don't feel like we should trade for lineup help, for two reasons: first and foremost, it's our pitching that needs desperate help (I don't expect Carp or Mulder this season), and secondly, where would we trade? Our outfield is set for the future with Duncan, Rasmus, and Ankiel (I think?) Our infield is solid, for the most part, but I guess there is a possibility of packaging Scotty Ballgame in a deal with a young pitcher (Reyes) for a quality starter. But who? Dontrelle Willis is the only guy that interest me on the market, and despite my infatuation with him early in the season, he sucks right now. And I don't want him on my team.

If we do make trades, I think they have to be for players who are under contract for more than this season. And also, will Walt Jocketty really be motivated to help this team if the rumors about him not being around in the future are true? Another something to think about. This team is going to have to get hot and they're going to have to do it with the player's they have right now. So somebody step up and throw strikes.

Eleven games left against the Cubbies. Ten left with the Brew Crew. There's plenty of time to spoil some cork parties in the NL Central. But the bottom line is that we have to motivate and start kicking ass. Bottom line. So get your ass out to Busch stadium with your case of Budweiser and get those Cardinals some damn W's.

Here's to Zambrano being absolutely terrible tonight. Cheers.

You've Been Great...

...even while I've been gone. It's been a long time indeed, and I miss every one of you guys, my loyal fans. (Although not a single response to my absence was posted on the blog response board, thereby leading me to the conclusion that I don't actually have any loyal fans.) Anyway, on to it..

MY SUGGESTION to the St. Louis Blues: Don't screw this up. Paul Kariya and Keith Tkachuk is a step above Bill Guerin and Keith Tkachuk. Kariya is undisuputably one of the best front line players in the game of hockey, and we all know that 'Chuckers has a knack for the back of the net. Get these two some defensive support and let's win some damn hockey games.

MY SUGGESTION to the St. Louis Cardinals: Um? Stay healthy. If I was Pittsburgh, Houston, or the Cincy right now I'd be saying.."for God's tap dancing sake, get that busted ass, piece of unhealthy drog crap out of my worryin way." But I'm not them, I'm assuming that they're just happy with the conclusion that they're terrible baseball teams. It amazes me that with all the injuries the Cardinals have endured, there is still three teams worst than them in the division. Eight games out? And only the Cubs and Brewers in our way. I'm still holding out hope, because I've seen way to many collapses in baseball lately. So my suggestion: bunt the guy over, and somebody gap one. Let's win some damn baseball games.

MY SUGGESTION to the St. Louis Rams: Get Dante Hall the damn ball.

And last, but - trust me - certainly not least: MY SUGGESTION to the University of Missouri Basketball team: I warned you. From day one. Ever since that gigantic man with the 636 tat on on his right bicep walked into my house and stole my John Mayer LIVE at Any Given Thursday dvd from my movie collection. I warned you and you never listened. So now, take my suggestion: allow the law to throw Kalen Grimes in jail. Because, after all, beating somebody in the head with the butt of a sawed-off shotgun is much worse than tax evasion...or any of the other stupid, jail-time laws we throw people in jail for. Throw him in jail, lock him up, and make him learn his lesson: Playing basketball for a notorisously ruined, and terrible basketball program doesn't make you a big shot. It just means your big, but not good enough to play for a good team.

And also MY SUGGESTION to the University of Missouri: I also warned you to fire Gary Pinkel before he ruins another football season. But I bet you won't listen...